Mitchia and Kashia visited on Labor Day weekend, and boy was it a blessing. I love my wife and daughter so much, it didn't really matter what we did. Just their physical presence alone brought me to radiance. I 'm glad everything worked out the way it did. Saying goodbye was hard, but it was a happy goodbye knowing that my time here will be coming to an end shortly.
I accomplished quite a bit this week. I completed the security plus course, passed my EOC test (end of cycle physical fitness test), and managed to get my laundry done yesterday. I'm moving closer to the end of this mos. It won't be long until I get on back home. I can't wait for next weekend because my family will be visiting. I miss them so much, I will do whatever it takes to ensure that I get family quality time during labor day weekend. I still have plenty of work to do before next weekend, but tonight, it's all about chilling out and reflecting on the beauty of life. God is good, amen.
It has been a trying year for our family because of my being away for training. I left behind so much stress-inducing responsibilities to Mitchia like parenting Kashia, maintaining the house, paying the bills, and making important decisions.
Although we won't be spending our anniversary together this year, I feel your warmth and love from afar. Happy Anniversary Mitchia
Kashia has been all over the place personality wise for her second year. She has been super silly lately as well as super crabby.
Here are some videos to document these last few months.
Kashia being a mime for Gaojoua:
Kashia loves pretending to be a waitress. Here she is taking my order at Quangs:
Yaotshing doesn't believe me that she throws crazy tantrums so this is for him. Here she is refusing to eat food. She is super demanding about how and when to eat or do things.
Kashia loves it when I tell her stories before bed. Here she is while going down for a nap. She wanted to tell me a story about going to the zoo with her dad and riding a race car.
Yaotshing we miss you so much. I hope these videos bring joy to you and keep you up to date with her silliness. Love you!
So the other day we were at Gaojai's place and I was able to record this hilarious video. In the video Kashia very seriously considers herself Superman and her and Gaojoua sing for me. Kashia also fails a jump from the coffee table to the couch much to my amusement and Gaojoua breaks into "Let it Go song from Frozen.... It is quite a long video but this post is really for Yaotshing to be able participate in our lives.
This is for you Yaotshing. She kept screaming superman up until I started video taping her. She takes wearing a cape very seriously. :)
Kashia has been waking up frequently crying out for her daddy. She usually looks over at his pillow and cries for him. Sometimes she will wake up from nightmares, sometimes she just misses him when she wakes up. It's so hard for me to comfort her sometimes. This was one of the first times I caught her crying out for her dad.. I know it's kind of cruel to show this, but I want Yaotshing to know just how much she does miss him.
I just started receiving letters from Yaotshing. It is difficult for me to hear how things are going for him over there. Not that he is particularly struggling with anything but that certain drama is created for the sake of making the environment intense for the soldiers. However I'm saddened to hear, it doesn't exactly surprise me. We were expecting these kinds of games, and I know Yaotshing is praying for strength and peace of mind to stay above it all. His letters are actually quite funny, I'm happy he's able to keep things light even when facing adversity. Although I can't send any letters yet, I have been writing letters on the side and hoping to send them later this week when I finally get his address.
He also called me out of the blue when he arrived at Basic Training (The first week and a half was apparently processing?) and let me know that he had arrived. I was so surprised by his call I was actually speechless. I had started crying dry tears (I seriously cannot cry anymore) and speaking incomplete sentences while walking around in circles. My heart literally leapt when I heard his voice. Unfortunately we only spoke for less than a minute.
I was most afraid of having to shovel and use the snow blower. The last snow fall before Yaotshing left was by far the heaviest and hardest to deal with. I'm so grateful he was here to help us dig our way out of the house. Since then surprisingly there has not been any significant snow fall. PRAISE GOD!
Also I've been using pity to get Hoxav to spend more quality time with me. He usually is tied to his phone or laptop with his headphones on. It's been hard in the last two years to get his attention and keep it for any amount of time. Lately I've been asking for some family time together and when I see that he might decline, I say "Come on Hoxav, do you want me to cry again?" and then he usually will laugh, but agree to set his things aside and sit with me and talk for a while, watch a movie or get out of the house and run some errands. He is a lifesaver. Without his company, Jason's help with Kashia during the weekdays and Pajjar and Johan watching Kashia while I'm working at DGS, I don't know how I would make it. I know a lot of people have made sacrifices to help us along this process, and we will always be grateful and indebted.
Well that's it as far as updates go for now. Yaotshing I know you won't be able to read this more a few more months, but I'll try to update videos and pictures here.
We love you.
ps here are some more songs I've recently added to my missing you playlist:
Today was quite the day. Saying goodbye to Yaotshing wasn't quite what I thought it would be like. These last few days have been surreal. I have been trying to hold on to every moment, taking it all in, and storing it in pictures in the back of my mind so that when I really miss him, they will be there.
God has given us both quite the challenge hasn't He? He asks for our obedience, and trust and we give it. We give it because our faith tells us He will not forsake us. He will push and pull and grind and mold and put us through the fire until we are everything He has created us to be. He will not fail us. He will not disappoint us.
Yaotshing was so brave leaving. Of course I was in tears, trying not to be hysterical. He just smiled at me and said "It's ok, it's going to be fun right?" The night before he was telling me that he didn't want to leave on sad terms, that he wanted to look to this next chapter as something exciting and beneficial for the both of us. He didn't want me to focus on counting down the days, he wanted me to celebrate God's faithfulness everyday.
As I sit here tonight reflecting on today's events I put my hands over my eyes and start to cry again. Kashia then says "Come on Mommy, come on!" and then I realize that I can't afford to sit here and be sad about Yao being gone. My daughter needs me right now and I can't neglect her so I can comfort myself in tears. So as I write this every few minutes I let out a loud whale cry and as soon as Kashia looks at me, I suck it up. I sound pretty ridiculous. I know it's really confusing for her to see me cry all the time. In fact yesterday I got pretty emotional while Yaotshing was praying for us. I couldn't stop crying. Kashia kept looking around not knowing what to do. As soon as Yaotshing stopped praying, Kashia threw herself onto the couch and started crying. She covered her face like her mommy and started crying. I felt so bad I had made her feel that way without understanding much of what was going on.
Actually that reminds me of something. Earlier today as I drove off wailing, I wanted to reach for the phone and call my mom, or call my sisters. I stopped myself and cried out to God. I begged him to help me be strong. I begged him to comfort me. I wanted to just stop the car and rest awhile and let it all in. I wanted to give in to my self pity and my worries. But I had to drive Kashia back home safely and go to work. I had things to take care of at home. I had things to do and I needed focus. God reminded me in that moment that I could be strong, and that He would be there for me. He gave me courage to keep going. He dried up my tears and comforted me. I didn't feel any warm arms around me, I didn't hear a voice calming me down. What I did feel was conviction in my heart. The Holy Spirit was simply bringing truth into my heart. It grounded me and kept me going. If I didn't keep in perspective that building our future and family takes hard work, I would just sit in front of the tv for the next seven months miserable. I would take all the opportunities God gave me to grow and toss it away with my Kleenex. I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that to God, to Yaotshing, to Kashia and to myself. Talk about tough love, but I need it.
So I close today in celebration. I celebrate God's faithfulness to me and my family. I celebrate Yaotshing bravery and my own courage I've found through the Holy Spirit. I thank God for all my family and friends that are here to support me through this... and to Hoxav for stepping up and helping me with Yaotshing's household duties.
My siblings were making fun of me having a mix cd/playlist I had prepared for days I wanted to be sad. Well today here is what's on my playlist:
and
and this one because it's the song Yaotshing and I used to cruise around CA listening to..
