Crawling

Since baby has started crawling Yaotshing and I have been sleepless with anxiety over how many changes we'll need to make in our everyday activities to keep her safe.  She was just bouncing back and forth on all fours just a week ago. She would find a way to manipulate her body to get from one place to another without actually crawling... it was really amazing to watch because it didn't look like she was doing anything at all, then suddenly she has moved from one end of the bed to the other. Then at the graduation picnic this last Saturday, she just started crawling!  I wasn't there, but Yaotshing got it on video.  Gao-jai and Bee were also there to witness this milestone.  I was truly sad to have been gone, but I am too happy to sit here and regret anything.

This morning, I had the most amazing moment with my daughter.  Baby and I woke up at 6 to send Yaotshing to the bus station like usual.  When we got back, I had two hours before I needed to be anywhere so we got back into bed.  Kashia was wide awake and I fought to keep up with her, but I couldn't.  I remember her trying to keep me up by kicking my belly and touching my face, but it was no use.  I gave her a little stuffed animal and, selfishly, I knocked out cold.  Next thing you know I woke up to find something on my face.  At first I jerked my body because I was surprised, but then I realized, it was baby's head.  The more I examined from my angle, I realized that she had grown tired of playing by herself, found her pacifier I had set on the other side of the bed and crawled back to me, falling asleep on top of me.  I woke up to find her cheek to cheek with me sleeping perpendicular with my body.  Looking up I could see her with her pacifier and eyes closed.  I tried so hard to find my phone to take a picture to show Yaotshing, but it was no use because it was so dark, and nothing, absolutely nothing could ever capture that moment ever again.  All I could do was enjoy it.  It felt like a dream, the sweetest dream I could ever dream.  My little girl wanted to be close to her mommy and it was just like all my hopes and dreams and all the happiness in the world that I could ever experience was packed in that little moment.  My little baby girl resting on her mommy's face- as funny as it was, it was just as enduring.  She found comfort there.  I found comfort there.  As tiny as that little act was, it was the most amazing gift God has given to me yet.

I reflected on that all day.  I told everyone that I could.  I don't know how it sounded to others, but to me, it brought me joy every time I thought about it.  My sweet honey bee.

I know that there is not enough Yaotshing and I will be able to do to keep up with her growing up, baby proofing this and that... God will always be the one to guard her, to keep her company when her mom has fallen asleep, or when her daddy has his head phones on and cannot hear her.  My little girl will always have the presence of God to protect her and be with her when we cannot be.

Thank you God for this gift.  I hope that I will never forget it.