Since baby has started crawling Yaotshing and I have been sleepless with anxiety over how many changes we'll need to make in our everyday activities to keep her safe. She was just bouncing back and forth on all fours just a week ago. She would find a way to manipulate her body to get from one place to another without actually crawling... it was really amazing to watch because it didn't look like she was doing anything at all, then suddenly she has moved from one end of the bed to the other. Then at the graduation picnic this last Saturday, she just started crawling! I wasn't there, but Yaotshing got it on video. Gao-jai and Bee were also there to witness this milestone. I was truly sad to have been gone, but I am too happy to sit here and regret anything.
This morning, I had the most amazing moment with my daughter. Baby and I woke up at 6 to send Yaotshing to the bus station like usual. When we got back, I had two hours before I needed to be anywhere so we got back into bed. Kashia was wide awake and I fought to keep up with her, but I couldn't. I remember her trying to keep me up by kicking my belly and touching my face, but it was no use. I gave her a little stuffed animal and, selfishly, I knocked out cold. Next thing you know I woke up to find something on my face. At first I jerked my body because I was surprised, but then I realized, it was baby's head. The more I examined from my angle, I realized that she had grown tired of playing by herself, found her pacifier I had set on the other side of the bed and crawled back to me, falling asleep on top of me. I woke up to find her cheek to cheek with me sleeping perpendicular with my body. Looking up I could see her with her pacifier and eyes closed. I tried so hard to find my phone to take a picture to show Yaotshing, but it was no use because it was so dark, and nothing, absolutely nothing could ever capture that moment ever again. All I could do was enjoy it. It felt like a dream, the sweetest dream I could ever dream. My little girl wanted to be close to her mommy and it was just like all my hopes and dreams and all the happiness in the world that I could ever experience was packed in that little moment. My little baby girl resting on her mommy's face- as funny as it was, it was just as enduring. She found comfort there. I found comfort there. As tiny as that little act was, it was the most amazing gift God has given to me yet.
I reflected on that all day. I told everyone that I could. I don't know how it sounded to others, but to me, it brought me joy every time I thought about it. My sweet honey bee.
I know that there is not enough Yaotshing and I will be able to do to keep up with her growing up, baby proofing this and that... God will always be the one to guard her, to keep her company when her mom has fallen asleep, or when her daddy has his head phones on and cannot hear her. My little girl will always have the presence of God to protect her and be with her when we cannot be.
Thank you God for this gift. I hope that I will never forget it.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
We are boring people.
So, we are trying to plan a getaway this July for our anniversary... five years. And we are trying to plan it without Kashia. It was really hard for us to come to terms with that, but my mom has been begging us to spend some time with her and I know that Yaotshing and I have not made any time for each other since she was born. I think we've had two dates in 8 months, well make that one attempt (bc we ended up just walking around the lake then it got too late we had to go pick her up) and one movie/Applebees night out. hehe. This is life after marriage folks.
Anyways, we've thought of everything, staying in the states, going overseas, going upstate... everything just seems so boring. We've done the big cities, the tropics and beaches, the camping in the woods, THAILAND... there's nothing new to explore that is worthwhile, everything seems to be the same experience after a while. Is it worth it just to be able to say "Been there, done that"? I mean in the end you'll have all these amazing pictures and all, but we're not really fun people. We don't dress up, drink or dance. Yao is extremely frugal so even when we go somewhere with things to do, we just end up taking pictures outside of the buildings and keep on walkin. All we end up doing is shop for souvenirs, eat and stay in and swim or watch movies. I'd love to blame this on parenthood but we've always been like this. After 6 months of NO alone time, we finally end up trying to go out and we end up down the street at the mall movie theater and Applebees. And that seriously took a lot of effort!
For months now, Yaotshing and I have been trying to brainstorm places to go. I started to get worried that we were not adventurous enough, we were going to waste our anniversary and be boring people that just went out to Applebees. I mean, five years of love, fighting, compromising, moving across the country, Kashia... doesn't that deserve celebration? For some people they sacrifice so much to be save up time and money to vacation. I feel so ungrateful for having the time and money but not having any desire to go. But then today I started to realize, I shouldn't force myself to want to do something only for the sake of having done something.
I'm praying that God will change my heart. I want to want to do something worthwhile and be given a chance to spend some time with my husband. We've been talking about this for so long now, and now that it's here, we couldn't be less interested.
Well, Yaotshing did suggest today that we could go to Six Flags, but.... I said no.
Anyways, we've thought of everything, staying in the states, going overseas, going upstate... everything just seems so boring. We've done the big cities, the tropics and beaches, the camping in the woods, THAILAND... there's nothing new to explore that is worthwhile, everything seems to be the same experience after a while. Is it worth it just to be able to say "Been there, done that"? I mean in the end you'll have all these amazing pictures and all, but we're not really fun people. We don't dress up, drink or dance. Yao is extremely frugal so even when we go somewhere with things to do, we just end up taking pictures outside of the buildings and keep on walkin. All we end up doing is shop for souvenirs, eat and stay in and swim or watch movies. I'd love to blame this on parenthood but we've always been like this. After 6 months of NO alone time, we finally end up trying to go out and we end up down the street at the mall movie theater and Applebees. And that seriously took a lot of effort!
For months now, Yaotshing and I have been trying to brainstorm places to go. I started to get worried that we were not adventurous enough, we were going to waste our anniversary and be boring people that just went out to Applebees. I mean, five years of love, fighting, compromising, moving across the country, Kashia... doesn't that deserve celebration? For some people they sacrifice so much to be save up time and money to vacation. I feel so ungrateful for having the time and money but not having any desire to go. But then today I started to realize, I shouldn't force myself to want to do something only for the sake of having done something.
I'm praying that God will change my heart. I want to want to do something worthwhile and be given a chance to spend some time with my husband. We've been talking about this for so long now, and now that it's here, we couldn't be less interested.
Well, Yaotshing did suggest today that we could go to Six Flags, but.... I said no.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
God, be with you.
Show me the way God, and I will follow with all of my heart, with no more worries or reservations. You have been with me through my ups and downs in life, delivering me the light when I was surrounded by complete darkness. As selfish as I was yesterday and today, and as much as I would like to consider or view my life as very important, in the end I am only a mere piece of an intricate, and seemingly endless puzzle. God, be with you. YJS
Romans 11:33-36
33 Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and[b] knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
34 “Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?”[c]
35 “Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay them?”[d]
36 For from him and through him and for him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.
Romans 11:33-36
33 Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and[b] knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
34 “Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?”[c]
35 “Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay them?”[d]
36 For from him and through him and for him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.
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