Kashia is 13 months now, and yes, still on her pacifier. I know every parent differs on this issue... but that is not what this post is about.
Anyways, Yao and I cannot keep track of all her pacifiers. At one point she had 4... Right now 1 or 2 on and off, having no idea what happened to the other ones. Yesterday when we were sitting on the couch together Kashia got mad at her pacifier and tossed it. I got mad at her and told her to stop. Then she reached in the couch cushion and pulled out another pacifier! One that had been missing for two weeks now. She is so funny! She remembers where she hides things in the cushions. Yao and I just laughed at her!
This morning she was hiding Hoxav's Halloween candy in the cushions! hehe.. she is too cute!
These are some pictures of Kashia when we got back from trick or treating with her aunties and cousins in Fridley. She had a blast and had her first sucker! Yao didn't like that I gave it to her though. We did brush her teeth before bed that night don't worry.
I'm not through the woods yet. I nursed Kashia for the last time Saturday morning while half sleeping. I wanted to prepare myself for the last time I would nurse her, but I was not able to see things coming like this. It ended not with a bang, but a whimper. This has been a very long and sad process. I wanted to do it on my time and according to Kashia's needs, but Yao, and my doctor (bc of my thyroid problem) insisted on me getting it over with so she doesn't have to be dependent on me.
Friday night was horrible. She cried and laid on my belly all night. I'm not as lucky as other moms, Kashia has still been waking up ever three hours or so during the night, and it's usually not a hassle because I was able to feed her and sleep. However, our first time in a year feeding her with a bottle at night was not welcomed. Her cries were piercing. I had to leave the room many times.
She has now gone two days and two nights with just a bottle. I am relieved and yet sad. Now I can start on my medication to treat my hyperthyroid and Graves Disease... so that I can have another child in the future with no health problems. Such a scary thought when someone tells you that your body has a disease that can keep you from having more and healthy children.
The problem with her only drinking cow milk is that she is not eating as much as she should be. So much of her nutrition is coming from what a cow eats, GRASS!? She loves feeding herself, she loves eating apples and noodles... but she still is not eating as regularly as I hoped. Any suggestions out there mothers?
With this switch to whole milk, she has been pooping so much! It's 2pm, and I've had 4 poopy diapers today. It's getting harder and harder to eat that hummas in the fridge. She is also showing early stages of a diaper rash, which is not fun. In the last year, only twice were we thinking she might have diaper rash, but it never really stayed longer than a day. Now, she is crying every time she has to poop or is pushing. It's a sad sight.
These are a few pictures of Kashia in her new poncho I just had to buy for her.
Beware All! Gushy reflection up ahead!!
I've been listening to sappy, love songs all day and that is why I am writing this blog entry... because I'm just in that kind of mood. Here is the development of my love life over the years in the summary three songs.
Song 1: Everything by Michael Buble
So this weekend Yaotshing and I rented a lot of movies and just stayed in and ate junk food (which means Yao watched me chow down on lots of potato chips and candy bars). Our favorite movie was The Five Year Engagement. Yao and I had a great time talking about how we first met, what led to dating, that led to marriage, to our careers. It's a great movie and I'd recommend it to most couples out there, though it does have some explicit scenes I'd only ever watch with Yaotshing. I know just about every couple I've talked to can relate to the challenges in this movie. It's really strange to think back to a time when Kashia was not around, even though she's only been with us for a year now.
Yao and I had a really unhealthy beginning to our relationship. (since I'm older now and married I can be honest) We were just OBSESSED with each other, and we were young... and snuck around when we really should have been doing other things. I know every new couple goes through that stage where you just want to be together all the time. I know now, after 5 years of dating and 5 years of marriage with Yaotshing, we kind of wish that the obsessive stage was shorter- well between the two of us, my grades definately suffured more. There were a lot of very important things going on in high school and college that we paid no attention to because everything was just an obstacle to being able to call or see each other. Love now looks very different than the love that we had for one another years ago.
I think that over time, even when the fullness of that love deflates (I'd say the fullness of "that" love was probably experienced around the time we got married), we continue to move through the motions of what we think that love should look like. I don't know if I can measure whether I love Yaotshing any more or any less than "that" time, but I know my heart is full.
Song 2: Follow Through by Gavin DeGraw
I heard this song on the radio this morning and it reminded me of a time when Yao and I were young and would make so many ridiculous promises to each other. I think that with each promise you declare, in that moment, you truly think that you'll be able to follow through. However, time weighs in, as well as many other priorities, and those promises soon fall apart.
I can't tell you how many arguments Yao and I had over not being able to keep our word. I mostly am so quick to make claims about my willingness to do this or that, and never get around to it, or just flatly forget. Yao on the other hand is more so pressured by me to make promises, so when he doesn't fulfill them, it's my fault not his. The lyrics of this song are really impractical "if you want to be with me, you'll have to follow through with every word you say." But I think that it shows us that if we are going to make promises, vows, declarations, we should only be saying what we are capable of following through with.
I think ultimately I would hold Yaotshing to the promises he made before God at our wedding and at Kashia's child dedication ceremony...
Cause lets's face it, my ring isn't going to get any bigger...
(I just loveeee Gavin as a singer/song writer.... he is AMAZING!)
Is it strange that I think Gavin DeGraw is cute.. and yet he kind of reminds me of Carol's son Toby?? hahah!! I think it's the eyebrows and long face. haha
You need to play this next song as you are reading the rest of this entry: ....:) For sure. hah!
Song 3: Wanted by Hunter Hayes
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me
It makes sense when I'm with you
Isn't it funny that the more years you spend together and the more you grow individually, the more you two compliment each other? hahaha, really though. I think Yaotshing and I definitely make up for each other's shortcomings and weaknesses. I just hope, at the end of the day, that what we will be enough to set the right example for Kashia.
I really connected with the lyrics of Wanted because I think everyone in a relationship, at some point, wants to be reminded that they are "wanted" especially after SO MANY YEARS. Something Yaotshing always says when he sees Jennifer Aniston playing a role of a woman dumped "That guy is dumb, he doesn't even know how lucky he is!" Hahahah! sorry that is just strange to me. But anyways, my point is that I usually sit there and say back, "Don't you know how lucky you are?" and then he laughs while I give him a glare. At some point you start doubting that your partner see's what you bring to the relationship- your beauty, your knowledge and wit, your love, your forgiveness and willingness to overlook those nasty habits... list goes on as I'm using myself as an example. HAHA! Don't take your partner for granted y'all! :P Make em feel wanted every now and then.
This last song was played so many times today I think I'm going be sick.
Ok that's it. Goodnight.:)
Each day, Kashia amazes me. She has such funny habits. Everything she gets her hands on, she will go to the couch and stick it between the sectional pieces. In her car seat, she will take her pacifier and throw it while crying. She will then cry until you give it back to her, yet she will throw it again because she is angry she is belted in so tightly. When she eats, she will eat a few bites of whatever is on her plate, then she will take a few pieces of food with her left hand and throw it on the floor. Twice now I've caught her with food in her left hand, fork in her right, and her face just plummeted into her bowl. Every now and then, she likes to purse her lips together and makes faces, though when she kisses it's with an open mouth. She is just so silly!
Also, lately she has been pooping a lot. She used to poop every morning before 10AM. Then for about a week she had been pooping around 7PM. The last few days she has been going 2 to a record 4 times today. This morning I put her in the tub right after she had pooed for the second time, and a few minutes in she farted. A yellow cloud appeared in the water. I was so disguested but it was so funny. (don't worry I changed out her water)
I can't help but squeeeeze her and kiss her many, many times. I can't help but look at her and wonder how she is mine. Sometimes I look at her and wonder how there might be a second or third child in my life when she fills it so much. My heart is full, it is overflowing.
A few months back my mother in law bought her a size 2T nightgown. I thought it might be fun to put it on her, especially now that she is standing. It just about touches the ground. Here is a video of her this last week:
Here is a picture of her after she won our wrestling match for the remote:
I was really sad, that she knew how to lift her arms and point at at the TV. Right after this, I turned off all electroctics and put on a puppet show. hahah! I know it's going to be harder now with winter, but I really want to keep Kashia active and busy with a lot more educational activities.
Part of my laziness, I do have to say has to do with my thyroid malfunction. I believe I have a hyperthyroid and will be seeing an endocinologist this Wednesday, however these are the symptoms I found listed on WebMD:
You may feel nervous, moody, weak, or tired.
Your hands may shake, your heart may beat fast, or you may have problems breathing.
You may be hot and sweaty or have warm, red, itchy skin.
You may lose weight even though you eat the same or more than usual.
(It's so strange that almost all these symptoms were experienced in the last 6 months and my doctor kept writing them off because I was breastfeeding)
Soooo, I have to blame some of my sluggishness on something I am unable to control right now. As well as a lot of other things. The worst symptom I've been experiencing is getting "hot flashes" just about all day, and especially at night because I cannot sleep feeling hot. I've kept the AC or window open when Yao and Kashia were freezing, but I didn't notice because I was sweating and complaing so much. Now that I know that it's just me, I just force myself to sleep through it, especially because Kashia has been sick.
(George is someone that all women know intimately) So for my sisters out there, after two years, GEORGE came back to visit. I'm so annoyed! He is so relentless. I forgot what it was like to have him around, but when he arrived I was a mess just like before. I was so moody the last few days and when I told Yao that George was back, he laughed and said he understood why the sudden change. WOW... this is what it's like to be a woman though right! UGH. I know, I know, I was lucky he went away for two years. I was spoiled.
This morning while walking from my bus stop to work, I realized I still had all this lint on my jacket from last winter from carrying Kashia around and all her blankets. I just laughed because this was not something I expected would happen after I had a child. LINT? So that left me thinking... what other things have surprised me over the last year?
Well, that makes to top of my list as I'm brainstorming this morning. Lint!
I guess second I'll have to post about poop. I expected the spit up and barf being on my clothes from watching Gaojai raise her first two boys. But I did not think poop would get on my clothes. I guess that's not even the worst of it. A few times it came up the front of her diaper and made a full circle around her body starting at her belly button. I've seen this happen to Gaojoua too, but much more dramatic, it went all the way up to her neck.
Third, I'd have to admit I was quite surprised when I found myself not having time to shower. Especially those months where I stayed home with Kashia. When Yaotshing went back to work, I found it harder and harder to use the bathroom, brush my teeth, and shower. It's not that I didn't have enough time, time was there, it was because I was so exhausted, and busy out of my mind.
And that brings me to my forth point. I did not know I would love and hate nursing so much! They were the most difficult days of my life, her learning to latch on. I expected the late night feedings and loss of sleep, but I did not know there would be a comparable pain to labor! It didn't last too long, thankfully, but man, those days were dark. However, after I passed that mark, I could not be happier to connect with my daughter in this way. It's great to know that this has created a bond strong enough to comfort her when she is sick and cannot eat through a bottle, or when she has an ear infection and in pain. I'm in the process of weaning her off and it is hard, not for her, but for me. I've cried just thinking about not nursing her anymore. (Though pumping I could care less for!)
Ok, so I've covered nursing, showering and poop. Oh, I know! My hair! I've always shed hair and it's always been collected on our carpet everywhere we live. This is disgusting I know! BUT, you mothers out there know that after all those hormone changes and vitamins you take, you get such thick luscious hair, that falls out by the handful in the shower or when you are brushing it. I had the nastiest patch of baby hair in the front. It has finally reached a length that I can comb down and it stays!
This last one is a bit naive. I should have seen this one coming but it was seriously not on my mind. I've lost any private time I might have had with Yaotshing. It gets harder and harder to have a conversation without waking her up or interrupted by chasing Kashia down because she put something in her mouth. I think 8 months went by without us realizing we had not spent a single hour together alone. It wasn't on my mind, and it wasn't on Yaotshing's mind either. We LOVED spending time with our daughter, but after a night out just the two of us, we realized just how important it was (we were forced by my sisters).
Ok, I have to get back to work. That list is pretty good for now. I'm sure I'll continue to add things later as she grows up and I'm discovering new things she does and says at each stage. I have to say, I LOVE being her mom. I can't wait for more kids to be in the picture and add to our family.
-Mitchia
We just got in to Michigan and boy does it feel good to be at home. I never lived in this house, but it is where my parents and Taying live, and every time I come here I feel I am where I should be. We've visited them here twice before during Christmas, and once on a whim with Jason and Gaojai... this is our first time with Kashia and I hope she loves it as much as I do. I know for sure she's going to like crawling around everywhere as she is always couped up inside our apartment. I love the hardwood floors, it reminds me of our old Brooklyn Center home, especially with the heat on. I like to walk around barefoot and hear the creaks.
Today when we got back, I was watching my mom cook- yes she didn't need my help as she is the perfect cook... and well, I was being nosy and just opening all the cupboards and looking at all her things. Every time I opened a cupboard I thought to myself, "I need that!" "That is so cute!" "Now that's how I want my dishes to be organized." Everything about my mom, I want to someday embody. The way she places the towel on the rack or puts the shoes at the door or the way she makes the bed is just so cute and perfect. I want to be like my mom. One achievement she's had all my life, no matter how old the home we've lived in, the sink may be piled high with our mess and our clothes can be all over the bedroom floors, but the bathroom...the bathroom was always clean. I don't know why these things are so significant to me, they just are. Everything about the way my mom takes care of each home they've moved into welcomes me in like it is my own.
Another thing... My mom can just dig around an empty fridge and make the best meals. Gosh I just miss everything about her. When I was younger I used to think that I couldn't wait to get out of the house and by my own groceries...I couldn't wait to buy all the junk I wanted and not have anyone put it back at the register (though Yao does make me do that still. haha). But now my fridge is filled with all that junk and I want nothing more than to eat my moms last minute egg soup or beef jerky. Sometimes the simple things about her cooking is what makes it so good! But no matter what I do, I can never replicate her style. And I know Yaotshing and Hoxav have lost hope in my attempts.
My dad on the other hand. Honestly, I miss his smell. I smell it in everything in the house. Maybe it's just the detergent, but the towels and the comforters really do me in. When I take a big whiff of the sheets, it's just like hiding out in his closet behind all his suits waiting for Ho-Shia or Ho-Seng to find me. Or when there's a thunderstorm and I jump into bed with my parents, and scootch towards my dad until he puts his arms around me and I can finally sleep. That's just about all I need. I don't need a deep conversation with my dad to feel close to him, I just need the friendly reminder that he is near.
I love my family and I am glad that Kashia gets to spend this time with my parents.
Now... she better stop crying and making my mom hide from her.
Since baby has started crawling Yaotshing and I have been sleepless with anxiety over how many changes we'll need to make in our everyday activities to keep her safe. She was just bouncing back and forth on all fours just a week ago. She would find a way to manipulate her body to get from one place to another without actually crawling... it was really amazing to watch because it didn't look like she was doing anything at all, then suddenly she has moved from one end of the bed to the other. Then at the graduation picnic this last Saturday, she just started crawling! I wasn't there, but Yaotshing got it on video. Gao-jai and Bee were also there to witness this milestone. I was truly sad to have been gone, but I am too happy to sit here and regret anything.
This morning, I had the most amazing moment with my daughter. Baby and I woke up at 6 to send Yaotshing to the bus station like usual. When we got back, I had two hours before I needed to be anywhere so we got back into bed. Kashia was wide awake and I fought to keep up with her, but I couldn't. I remember her trying to keep me up by kicking my belly and touching my face, but it was no use. I gave her a little stuffed animal and, selfishly, I knocked out cold. Next thing you know I woke up to find something on my face. At first I jerked my body because I was surprised, but then I realized, it was baby's head. The more I examined from my angle, I realized that she had grown tired of playing by herself, found her pacifier I had set on the other side of the bed and crawled back to me, falling asleep on top of me. I woke up to find her cheek to cheek with me sleeping perpendicular with my body. Looking up I could see her with her pacifier and eyes closed. I tried so hard to find my phone to take a picture to show Yaotshing, but it was no use because it was so dark, and nothing, absolutely nothing could ever capture that moment ever again. All I could do was enjoy it. It felt like a dream, the sweetest dream I could ever dream. My little girl wanted to be close to her mommy and it was just like all my hopes and dreams and all the happiness in the world that I could ever experience was packed in that little moment. My little baby girl resting on her mommy's face- as funny as it was, it was just as enduring. She found comfort there. I found comfort there. As tiny as that little act was, it was the most amazing gift God has given to me yet.
I reflected on that all day. I told everyone that I could. I don't know how it sounded to others, but to me, it brought me joy every time I thought about it. My sweet honey bee.
I know that there is not enough Yaotshing and I will be able to do to keep up with her growing up, baby proofing this and that... God will always be the one to guard her, to keep her company when her mom has fallen asleep, or when her daddy has his head phones on and cannot hear her. My little girl will always have the presence of God to protect her and be with her when we cannot be.
Thank you God for this gift. I hope that I will never forget it.
